A primeval ur-santa emerges from the mists of time to dole out presents in the Market Square after the most ramshackle carols singalong in recent memory.

In other Santa news, many thanks to my Secrit Santa, the biscuits were very nice. When is the library book due back?

This is the Conservative Van, after a foolish attempt to canvas the Oxfordshire Village of Headington Quarry during the people's budget year of 1909. Village legend was that it had been thrown into a stonepit. Apparently this was the last political hurrah of the 'Quarry Roughs', it was said in neighbouring village that any Conservative who strayed anywhere near Quarry would be lucky to make it out alive during the 19th Century.

The personal connection is that both my Great Grandmother and her father were born there, he features in Jackson's Journal entry as giving great abuse to an officer of the law.

I feel proud to be associated, however loosely, with this kind of behaviour. Down with the Conservative Van!

I was wondering if I could try and pass this one off as Chupacabras, or a skunk ape.

'And I'll tell you another one that worries me, is that Dale Winton. Well, you never see him with a woman, do you?'

And this is just on the outskirts of the Fens.

The checkout lady at Morrison's today asked me, midway through my enormous shop, if I ran a shop or a residential home. No, I said, just three children.

The Home Secretary's husband has said sorry for embarrassing his wife after two adult films were viewed at their home, then claimed for on expenses......BBC political correspondent, Gary O'Donoghue, said a source told him Ms Smith was "livid and shocked" when she found out about the films.
He said he was told Ms Smith was not at home when they were viewed and said she had no intention of resigning over the matter.
Mr O'Donoghue said he was told Ms Smith had given her husband a "real ear-bashing".

Steve McManaman
One whole line of the haiku
is used for your name